Johnny Recommends THE TRIGGER EFFECT To Watch This Summer

THE TRIGGER EFFECT (1996)

Summerization: Some area around L.A. (I think) loses power during a heatwave. It doesn't take long for Average Joe to lose his shit and either start stealing or shooting people. One couple decides to get the fuck out before it turns into The Road Warrior.

Why It's Awesome: It's got Elisabeth Shue, hot as ever. Also Kyle MacLachlan is there, being his badass self. Same with Michael Rooker. The guy who plays the friend is pretty decent too. Overall, the story telling is pretty awesome. Everyone is flawed and the movie paints a more or less realistic picture with its characters. People make the wrong decisions all the time, and this movie doesn't hide the fact. Plus, Elisabeth Shue nipple is always welcome.

Quote: Still haven't seen this one yet this summer. No quote comes to mind. Although Elisabeth Shue does read a bedtime story/poem at the beginning that's like maybe a metaphor for the movie. So that's pretty good.

Best Time To Watch: During a heatwave, ideally sweating balls. Anytime when it's over 90 degrees outside. Super perfect if you live in the valley.

Quality: 3 of 4 days spent in blasted, blistering heat.

Johnny Recommends I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE To Watch This Summer

I SPIT ON YOUR GRAVE (1978)

Summerization: A female writer goes on a woodland vacation and gets raped for about an hour of screen time. Then she gets her fucking revenge.

Why It's Awesome: Yes, I went there. Rape/revenge. Believe it or not, this movie is awesome. Let's start with a quote from famed and respected drive in movie critic, Joe Bob Briggs: "Is this the most anti-woman movie ever made, like it's critics say; or, is it the most feminist movie ever made?" The girl gets raped repeatedly by backwoods subhumans. Not awesome. But when she mans--or WOmans--up...hooboy, does she ever. Bathtub castration, death by asphyxiation, axe use and castration with an outboard motor (yup). Her revenge is sweet indeed.

Quote: Nothing comes to mind. There's lots of screaming though.

Best Time To Watch: Well, by yourself, on a particularly nice day. If you've got awesome friends who enjoy cult, exploitative, controversial cinema, they might check it out. But good luck. This bitch is a tough sell to those not in the know. Also, I recommend watching this with audio commentary from Joe Bob himself. Otherwise it's pretty goddamn hard and awkward to get through.

Quality: 10 for 10 castrations.

Johnny Recommends FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 To Watch This Summer

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (1981)

Summerization: Jason begins his murderous rampage to avenge his dead mother's murderous rampage to avenge Jason's death (?) right here. What the movie presupposes... maybe Jason didn't drown in that lake. Anyway, lots of people die at summer camp.

Why It's Awesome: So many reasons. It's the first of 11 movies based off the Jason character. This didn't start the Friday the 13th series, but it fleshed out Jason's character (a mongoloid living in the woods, killing people who get too close) more than any other film in the series. There's boobs. There's blood. Copious amount of alcohol are consumed. Icepicks through the head, machete in the face, spear through the tummy-tums, stabbings, throat slitting, one puppy mutilation, hammer in the head, chainsaws and pitchforks, and the questionable dream sequence. Amy Steele is the would-be counselor/child psychologist who gives all the explanation ever needed for Jason's motivation--if you saw your mother beheaded and she was the only person you were ever close to, wouldn't you be fucked up? Fucking awesome.

Quote: "What's brown and sits on a piano?" "Your face."

Best Time To Watch: Is Friday the 13th coming up? Well, before going to camp, swimming in the lake, or camping. Anytime before you're going to spend any time in the outdoors.

Quality: 5 outta 5 machete wacks.

Johnny Recommends CLUB DEAD To Watch This Summer

CLUB DREAD (2004)

Summerization: Some asshole is killing the staff at Coconut Pete's Pleasure Island resort. Could it be the British Jamaican? Or the swimming instructor with a dark secret? Maybe the Fun Police? Or Coconut Pete's E-brained nephew? The arrival of the new d-cupped masseuse also seems to be in sync with the start of the killings. Hmmmm.

Why It's Awesome: Boobs. Pot. Ecstasy. Alcohol. We're close to the feel good hit of the summer here. Broken Lizard nails the horror cliches and it's fucking hilarious. Bill Paxton is Coconut Pete and he's goddamn perfect as a Jimmy Buffet-esque singer. Sam Levine from Freaks & Geeks has a super brief role, but some dynamite lines. The blond chick from Cabin Fever gets topless and shows her flexibility. Is there anyone else note worthy? The guy who plays Pete's roadie is probably recognizable to some, but damned if I could place him. Tons of great gags and jokes. Tons of kills. Lots of use of the island machete. Heads get chopped, stomachs opened, a human pear is killed, ripping in half with rope, flaming arrows, electrocution, a beer-luge turns into a blood-luge (yum). All that and--wait. I just heard something. Hang on. I'll be rFHW88@dsiu&*>q&. Damn monkeys.

Quote: TONS! "No... there's seriously something down there. Oh, no! Wait! It's just my gigantic cock.

Best Time To Watch: Anytime you've got a bottle of tequila. Or just any alcohol. And some pot. Try to be at the beach.

Quality: 5 outta 5 perfectly sharpened ma-she-tays!

Johnny Recommends THE BEAST WITHIN To Watch This Summer

THE BEAST WITHIN (1982)

Summerization: A woman is attacked and raped back in '64 by a giant mutant cicada humanoid. 17 years later, something starts happening with her baby, so the parents get the bright idea to return to the town where it happened, with their son, and start investigating. Because of course you're going to wait until something strange happens with your rape-baby before asking questions about the giant, rape-happy cicada.

Why It's Awesome: Just about every scene is slightly bizarre. The guy who plays Michael is awesome. The blonde girl is pretty, sweet and innocent. The beast within does some damage as well. It rips off heads, claws out throats, takes multiple shotgun blasts, throws drunks into transistors and might enjoy his hamburgers rare. There's also an awesome metamorphosis sequence that still holds up to this day as being utterly disgusting. It's pretty magical.

Quote: "Lionel, the town undertaker, robbin' his own coffins to feed Billy his flesh, the human flesh, Billy needed to live. It was easy."

Best Time To Watch: Everyone in this movie is kinda gross and sweaty. So whenever it's a really hot day. Leave the oven on while viewing for a heightened effect.

Quality: 3 outta 4 beasts within.

Johnny Recommends FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS To Watch This Summer

FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS (1998)

Summerization: Raoul Duke aka Dr. Hunter S. Thompson and Dr. Gonzo aka Oscar Acosta hit the fucking road and hit Vegas even harder. Journalism, copious drug intake, motocross, and the search for the American Dream. All rolled into one.

Why It's Awesome: Johnny Depp is Raoul Duke. Benicio Del Toro is Gonzo. Spider-Man as the balding Hitchhiker. Cameron Diaz has a quick appearance as a TV Reporter. The fat Miami Dolphins' dolphin manager from Ace Ventura as a super-pissed cop. Gary Busey as a sexually confused cop. Christina Ricci as the obsessed Barbra Streisand fan. Debbie Reynolds, not featured physically but mentioned musically, is live in concert. Flea as the acid freak. All this awesomeness without mentioning the plot. The movie is absolutely phenomenal as it gives such a literal translation to Hunter's writing. Every performance is awesome, every line is awesome. I dare you to have a more amazing experience in Vegas than this. Duke and Gonzo know how to do that shit right. And without the aid of cheap boobs. That might not sound awesome, but it is. The narration towards the end about the destruction of the spirit of the 60's is the heart and soul of the film and that bit alone makes it worth watching.

Quote: Too many to choose from. "Bazooko's Circus is what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday nights if the Nazis had won the war. This was the Sixth Reich."

Best Time To Watch: Right after you wake up, throw it on. Or with your first beer of the day. Which ever comes first. Seriously, this movie is perfect any summer morning, afternoon or night. It really is more of a day time thing though, as you'll totally wanna do something, anything, when it ends. Road trip to Vegas? Count me in.

Quality: 5 for 5 chewed adrenal glads.

Johnny Recommends WITHOUT A PADDLE/ANACONDAS 2 To Watch This Summer

WITHOUT A PADDLE (2004)/ANACONDAS: THE HUNT FOR THE BLOOD ORCHIRD (2004)

Summerization: Another great double feature. Without A Paddle is about three 20-something friends who go on an adventure in search of lost treasure. It's just like The Goonies but in the woods, no pirates and more weed. Anacondas is about a group of scientists who go looking for a flower and get eaten by giant snakes.

Why It's Awesome: Aside from the actual details to the story these movies are damn near identical. Idiots rent a water vessel to look for something in the woods/jungle. They go over a waterfall and the vessel gets destroyed, leaving the idiots to bumble around for an hour before everything works out.
Matthew Lillard, Seth Green and Dax Shapard. If you're not fans of them individually, you might be so collectively. I love a good bromantic comedy, and at it's core, that's what Without A Paddle is. Dax teaches us how to shine trout. Seth gets mistaken for a bear cub. Matt Lillard is Matt Lillard. Burt Reynolds maybe never got out of the woods in Deliverance and now he'll shoot your testicles off, stuff 'em and mount 'em on his mantelpiece. Plus the guys run through a field of burning weed. It's fucking awesome.
The lead in Anacondas is kinda awesome. He's the the hero face and the hero voice. Anacondas kill some people. There's a really cool scene of a snake in the water weaving through a line of people wading by it. The villain gets paralyzed by a spider then eaten alive, that's pretty awesome. The same thing happens to Morris Chestnut.

Quote: "Okay, that's it. For the past four hours I've been within sniffing distance of a sweaty ballsack and a sweaty ballsack, and that's it, I'm out."

Best Time To Watch: Start in the afternoon or evening. Move the TV outside to experience nature. Goes great with BBQ.

Quality: 4 outta 5 Paddles and 2 out of 4 special flowers.

Johnny Recommends POLTERGEIST To Watch This Summer

POLTERGEIST (1982)

Summerization: A family moves into a new home built above a graveyard. The youngest daughter disappears, taken to another realm by the entities that haunt the house, and a little psychic is called in to save the day.

Why It's Awesome: The movie is fun as hell. Laughs, scares, thrills and chills. Craig T. Nelson is dad, JoBeth Williams is hot momma. They roll joints in bed at night after the kids are tucked in. The kids are slightly annoying, but tolerable. Dad has a remote control battle with the neighbor and change each others channels after the both end up owning the same brand of control. Mom and daughter play with the spirits in the kitchen. Then the shit gets real. And man, it's fucked up. A dude peels his own face off. Heather O'Rourke is awesome as the little blonde girl and Zelda Rubinstein is the little psychic.

Quote: "This house is clean," and "You only moved the headstones!"

Best Time To Watch: BBQ time. When you're staying at a motel, bring Poltergeist with you. If you happen to be moving, watch while unpacking. If none of these are in the foreseeable future, check it out July 17th or August 6th.

Quality: 9 outta 10 flickering T.V. sets.

Johnny Recommends ESCAPE FROM L.A. To Watch This Summer

ESCAPE FROM L.A. (1996)

Summerization: A documentary from a parallel world where George W. Bush takes a President-forever oath after a government sponsored act of God (terrorism) devastates Los Angeles. separating it from the U.S. and makes the President look like a prophet. A few years later Che Guevara seduces the President's smoking hot daughter, convincing her to steal WMD access codes and flee to L.A., now turned into a prison island. The world is totally fucked, if not for one man. Kurt fucking Russell.

Why It's Awesome: Kurt Russell can do no wrong. His portrayal of Snake Plissken is the stuff of legends. There's a basketball scene in the movie and Kurt Russell insisted on making the full court, hoop-to-hoop shot without any special effects. Like a moron, director John Carpenter agreed to this. Probably somewhere after 60 takes the crew stopped keeping track. It's also the only movie ever to feature Tool on the soundtrack and yes, in the movie. It maybe lasts for six seconds, when Snake is walking the crowded L.A. streets. Listen close or you'll miss it. There's also some of the worst CG in the history of movies involving a stealth submarine. Steve Buscemi, Peter Fonda, Bruce Campbell and Cliff Robertson (Uncle Ben from Spider-Man) all have some kind of role. Lady A.J. Langer, as hot as ever, is in it. So is a manly-voiced Pam Grier. There's surfing, hang gliding, basketball, plastic surgery addicts, a parade, super cool one liners and so much more.

Quote: "Welcome to the human race."

Best Time To Watch: Whenever the power goes out (your laptop has a battery, right?) or comes back on. Otherwise, before bed would work, specifically after midnight.

Quality: 2 out of 3 times called "Plissken."

Johnny Recommends POINT BREAK/ROAD HOUSE To Watch This Summer

POINT BREAK (1991)/ ROAD HOUSE (1989)

Summerization: The Patrick Swayze Combo. First, Crazy Swayze rolls into town as the philosophy spouting martial artist bouncer, ready to reunite with his mentor, Sam Elliot, and clean up the town, starting at the bar. Chaos ensues. Next, Swayze returns as Bodhi, the philosophical surfer skydiver guru of a band of bank robbers who make the mistake of thinking Keanu Reeves is down. Chaos ensues.

Why They're Awesome: Swayze is a fucking badass in both films. He probably kicks more ass in Road House but you'd want to hang out with him more in Point Break. At least he surfs more in that one. Anyway, both movies have the boobs and the guns. One has karate, the other has skydiving. One has surfing, the other has skinny dipping. The biggest difference probably is the co-stars. Keanu Reeves or Sam Elliot. They should make a movie. Gary Busey is also in Point Break and delightfully heading down the path of insanity in his career. He's awesome. But, Road House has Terry Funk, and if anybody knows who that is, your mind is blown. Lori Petty is hot in Point Break, and there's some nice blondes in Road House. Road House also has the infamous throat-ripping out scene and Swayze teaches us pain don't hurt. Oh, and now Point Break was directed by an Oscar Winning Director. Yep.

Quote: "Utah! Get me two!" (Point Break) and "A polar bear fell on me." (Road House)

Best Time To Watch: Depends on which you watch first. You could check out Point Break in the morning, maybe with breakfast?, or early afternoon. Follow it up with Road House late evening. With or after dinner works fine.

Quality: 4 of 5 wave caught (Point Break). 4 of 5 throats ripped (Road House).

Johnny Recommends THE ROAD WARRIOR To Watch This Summer

MAD MAX 2: THE ROAD WARRIOR (1981)

Summerization: Mad Max is back and damn near nothing is in common with the first one. The world is a wasteland, or looks like Australia, and has spiraled farther into hell. Petroleum aka gazaleen, is the most sought after commodity/resource on the planet and violent, bondage clad thugs battle normies to the death over it. Might as well take place next week.

Why It's Awesome: Mad Max kicks ass. His dog kicks ass. There's this crazy old guy in a flying machine, the Gyro Captain, who kicks ass. A Wild Child with really big hair and a razorblade boomarang? Kick ass. The villian goes by Lord Humungus, a well spoken mongoloid complete with a chrome Jason-esque hockey mask and killer cod piece. There's blood, boobs and explosions. There's a wristmounted crossbow. Some car, motorcycle, truck, buggy and fly machine battles. Impalements, flamethrowers, mowhawks. This movie has a little bit of everything and a whole lot of dirty, leather clad Aussies in the hot desert sun.

Quote: "I'm just here for the gazaleen."

Best Time To Watch: Midday or midnight. Preferably with a six pack.

Quality: 5 outa 5 tanks of gazoleen.

Johnny Recommends THE HILLS HAVE EYES To Watch This Summer

THE HILLS HAVE EYES (1977)

Summerization: Pretty fucking insane. A nuclear family vs. nuclear desert hillbilly mutants.

Why It's Awesome: It takes place in the desert, in the middle of nowhere. The cast is good. The story is good. The directing is good. Lots of props come directly off the set of the Texas ChainSaw Massacre, so the bones you see are real. There are two awesome dogs named Beauty and Beast, one of which is the closest thing to a hero. The surviving members of the family are driven to the brink of sanity when they realize to defeat the desert freaks they must fight like the desert freaks (sneaky and brutally).
If the desert setting doesn't cause you to sweat, maybe mutant on teen rape or baby-nabbing will. Also the hillbilly mutant family is named after planets, which is pretty cool. And it's got Michael Berryman. If you know who he is, you love him.
If you're really diggin' how this sounds, there's also a sequel (notoriously bad/awesome), a remake (pretty good), and a sequel to the remake (not a remake of the sequel. It's alright, I guess).

Quote: "Baby's fat... you fat... fat and juicy."

Best Time To Watch: Before or while on the family road trip. During any BBQ.

Quality: 7 outa 9 planets aligned.

Johnny Recommends MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE To Watch This Summer

MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE (1986)

Summerization: Machines turn on their human masters! Starring Emilio Estevez! Music by AC/DC! Directed by Stephen Goddamn King!

Why It's Fucking Awesome: Did you read the summeri? That's why.
It's got soda vending machine death, little leaguers under a bulldozer, electric carver attacks, arcade game death, machine gun death, multiple hit and squish, multiple exploding trucks, Emilio Estevez pumping gas under the hot sun until his hands blister and he can physically pump no more, a gallon of gas costs less than a dollar, remote control police car death, car window death, blow dryer death, it even has Yeardley Smith, the voice of Lisa Simpson, as the newlywed Connie.
There's blood, there's explosions. There's Emilio with a rocket launcher aimed at a Green Goblin faced semi as AC/DC plays. Some how only the 'Master of Horror' Stephen King can create such an absolutely fun version of the apocalypse. Machines might have turned on us, and it might look like a horror movie somewhere, but at the Dixie Boy gas station, it's just rock and roll.

Quote: "[That's] what I was doing, until every machine in the world went into MAXIMUM OVERDRIVE."

Best Time To Watch: Any afternoon that's hot and you've got at least a six pack.

Quality: 7 of 10 semis exploded.

Johnny Recommends ANCHORMAN To Watch This Summer

ANCHORMAN (2004)

Summerization: A documentary about sexism in the work place that's inevitably overcome by love and understanding. A panda might have given birth and there's an impromptu rendition of 'Afternoon Delight.'

Why It's So Awesome: Will Farrell and Steve Carell are fucking hilarious. This movie was so funny it single-handedly launched their film careers. It shot some life back into Christina Applegate's career and succeeded in making her strong, smart, hot and funny. And what other movie also has Vince Vaughn and Luke Wilson? Yes, it's an Old School reunion. Add Ben Stiller and Tim Robbins. It's as funny as it should be. Don't forget about Paul 'Sex Panther' Rudd and David 'Whammy' Koechner, rounding out the news team. Fred Willard is also gold as the boss. For some reason even Danny Trejo appears for about two minutes. He's the Mexican who's got the big tattoo on his chest and is Machete in that movie Machete. You'd know him if you saw him.

Quote: "I wanna say something. I'm gonna put it out there, if you like it, you can take it, if you don't, send it right back... I want to be on you...wait. Wait, wait, wait, wait... I-I wanna be on you," or "It's so damn hot... milk was a bad choice," or "But you and I are mature adults. We've both seen our share of pornographic materials...oh, you never have? Of course you haven't, how stupid of me, neither have I. I was just speaking in generalities. Right. I'll stop by the school a little later, Sister Margaret. Bye," or "I'm Ron Burgundy. Go fuck yourself, San Diego." Seriously, this movie is funny as shit.

Best Time To Watch: Start today then repeat at least once a week or as needed until summer ends. If burn out occurs, try doses of the half sequel/half same movie Wake Up Ron Burgundy (Not a joke, it's fucking awesome too).

Quality: 10 for 10 exquisite breasts

Johnny Recommends TRUE ROMANCE To Watch This Summer

TRUE ROMANCE (1993)

Summerization: Holy hell, where do you start with this movie? It's about a Bonnie and Clyde-esque couple who flee Buttfuck, Nowhere to Los Angeles with a suitcase full of cocaine that doesn't belong to them.

Why It's So Awesome: I'll start with the cast. Phenomenal. Christian Slater is at his most badass since Heathers. Patricia Arquette kicks more ass than she did in A Nightmare On Elm Street 3. Samuel L. Jackson and Gary Oldman are both around for about five minutes. The late, great Dennis Hopper and Christopher Walken share an awesome scene together. Brad Pitt has maybe four lines of dialogue. It's got James Gandolfini pre-Sopranos, Tom Siezmore, the late Chris Penn, the guy who played Balky on "Perfect Strangers" (remember that show?), and Michael Rapaport. Oh, and Val Kilmer plays Elvis. Pretty fucking rad.
There's brutal violence, awesome lines thrown out left and right, drug dealing on Viper (yes, the Six Flags roller coaster) and at its heart, it's really a funky story about love.

Quote: "You're so cool. You're so cool."

Best Time To Watch: Before going to the amusement park. Any afternoon, with that special someone.

Quality: 3 outa 3 yeyo filled suitcases.

Johnny Recommends THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS/THE CROW: WICKED PRAYER To Watch This Summer

THE CROW: CITY OF ANGELS (1996)/THE CROW: WICKED PRAYER (2005)

Summerization: A murdered man is resurrected to get revenge on his killers. That's about it. Oh, in Wicked Prayer, David Boreanaz also tries to summon Satan to possess him. Why not?

Why They Are Awesome: Both are sequels to the 1994 masterpiece with the late-great Brandon Lee. That's awesome, right? Plus, City of Angels has Richard Brooks as the villain, Iggy Pop as an over the top bad guy and Thomas Jane, pre-Punisher badassness, who jerks off in a sex booth before getting killed. It takes place in Los Angeles (hence City of Angels) during a heatwave and the overall colors of the movie are brown, gold and red, creating a pretty warm atmosphere for a dark story.
Wicked Prayer's got Eddie Furlong wearing the make-up and (trying to) being the badass. Tara Reid and UFC alumni Tito Ortiz are bad guys. You can actually watch Tara Reid's career disappear into the abyss while watching this. And, as mentioned before, David Boreanaz plays the villain who wants to make a deal with the devil.
Pretty cool, right? Yeah, totally... just a, uh, awesome time with some, um, awesome movies... okay, honestly, these movies are next to worthless, UNLESS you have an unnatural fondness for a) dead guy gets revenge movies, b) the entire CROW film series, c) terrible movies. Like I do.
So, official recommendation goes to The Crow. Not a perfect movie, but absolutely great and awesome no matter how you try to slice it. You can never go wrong watching The Crow.

Quote: "Fuck you, bird dick!" (The Crow: City of Angels)

Best Time To Watch: Watch the sequels sometime after you've watched The Crow. But not too soon after because you'll be comparing them to something infinitely better. Try to wait a few months or years in between. If you can't, check 'em out towards the end of summer. Late August works.

Quality: The Crow: City of Angels, 2 big black birds. The Crow: Wicked Prayer, 1 big black bird. (The Crow, 5 outa 5 big black birds)

Johnny Recommends L.A. STORY To Watch This Summer

L.A. STORY (1991)

Summerization: Steve Martin is Harris Telemacher, L.A.'s wacky weather man. And guess what? It's summertime and it's hot, hot, hot. Harris leads a typical L.A. yuppie-douchebag life until he meets a cute and funny Brit chick and realises what his life is missing: Love. It's basically a fairytale set in Los Angeles staring Steve Martin.

How Awesome Is It? It's so awesome that they dug up William Shakespeare and reburried him in L.A. just for the movie. It's so awesome L.A. passed a law forbidding the use of riddle writing A.I. chips in the construction of their new signboards and dismantled the old ones. It's so awesome that after it was released 90% of the yuppie-douchebags in L.A. did in fact get enemas to try and not be as full of shit. It didn't work. And besides, it's got Sarah Jessica Parker, in her pre-horseface/douchette days, looking hot as hell.

Quote: "Why is it we don't always recognize the moment when love begins but we always know when it ends?"

Best Time To Watch: A warm summer's night. A warm summer's evening. A warm summer's day. A warm... you get it.

Quality: 6 outa 6 signboards that want to help you.

Johnny Recommends JAWS To Watch This Summer

Jaws (1975)

Summerization: If you don't know what Jaws is about, just stop reading now. You will have not a clue about any movie I mention anytime. Just click away right now. Okay. Jaws was originally a novel written by Peter Benchley that would have made for a hard-R film if Steven Spielberg didn't get his butter lovin hands on it and churning out one of the best PG-summer-popcorn-buddy flicks ever.

Why It's Awesome: Even though Spielberg took out most of the killing, all of the sex, most of the swearing and all of the nhilistic dispair, he made the movie fun. It's so much fun in fact, that when he makes the movie scary it's fucking scary. And even though it's PG, Speilberg snuck some really good bits and blood in there and even a kinda dark underwater shot of a naked girl. Not too bad.
It also happens to take place at the beach and around the 4th of July. Perfect summertime. Going to the beach during summer as a child always made me recall Jaws. Now it makes for an awesome feeling of nostalgia whenever Jaws is viewed in the summer. You can feel like a kid again, afarid of being eaten by sharks.

Best Time To Watch: July 1st-4th, anytime before going to the beach.

Quality: 5 outa 5 bloody chunks of Chrissie.