CLUB DREAD (2004)
Summerization: Some asshole is killing the staff at Coconut Pete's Pleasure Island resort. Could it be the British Jamaican? Or the swimming instructor with a dark secret? Maybe the Fun Police? Or Coconut Pete's E-brained nephew? The arrival of the new d-cupped masseuse also seems to be in sync with the start of the killings. Hmmmm.
Why It's Awesome: Boobs. Pot. Ecstasy. Alcohol. We're close to the feel good hit of the summer here. Broken Lizard nails the horror cliches and it's fucking hilarious. Bill Paxton is Coconut Pete and he's goddamn perfect as a Jimmy Buffet-esque singer. Sam Levine from Freaks & Geeks has a super brief role, but some dynamite lines. The blond chick from Cabin Fever gets topless and shows her flexibility. Is there anyone else note worthy? The guy who plays Pete's roadie is probably recognizable to some, but damned if I could place him. Tons of great gags and jokes. Tons of kills. Lots of use of the island machete. Heads get chopped, stomachs opened, a human pear is killed, ripping in half with rope, flaming arrows, electrocution, a beer-luge turns into a blood-luge (yum). All that and--wait. I just heard something. Hang on. I'll be rFHW88@dsiu&*>q&. Damn monkeys.
Quote: TONS! "No... there's seriously something down there. Oh, no! Wait! It's just my gigantic cock.
Best Time To Watch: Anytime you've got a bottle of tequila. Or just any alcohol. And some pot. Try to be at the beach.
Quality: 5 outta 5 perfectly sharpened ma-she-tays!
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